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Lawmaking goes haywire when enforcement becomes
too difficult for the police.
Excerpt from the story
DARK
COMEDY
(Deterrence of Crime and the War on Terror)
Act
One: DETERRENCE OF CRIME
Because of the high number of
rapes, robberies and shootings in some places emergency “Black-out” laws are
passed making it illegal for people living in these high risk areas to leave
their shades and their window grates open after 8:00 p.m. This is meant to keep
everyone safer by preventing criminals from taking clear shots into buildings
and homes, gaining easy access, or otherwise harming the innocent inhabitants.
Considered a sensible and cost-effective public safety measure, locking door
and window grates combined with blackouts has proven to reduce the number of
gunshot injuries and home invasions during the nighttime hours.
Responding
to another 9-1-1
call an overweight cop in helmet and body armor approaches a ground floor
apartment. He peers through the bars of the front door to see a sobbing woman
named Shirley Troublefield. “It’s the police, ma’am. Can I come in?” After
testing the door locks he lets himself inside, and scans the mess around the
victim. “What happened? Home invasion, or burglary?”
“Burglars. I just
walked in,” says grieving woman. “I didn’t even call the police yet. How did
you know?”
“We got a 9-1-1 hang-up call. Probably
from one of your neighbors,” replies the big cop. His badge reads, OGDEN. Then, he bends
over to examine the unlocked window grates and the Velcro straps of his body
armor stretch with that familiar shearing noise. “Hmm. I’m sorry, ma’am, looks
like I may have to give you a citation for this.”
“What are you
talking about!” yells the skinny woman.
Ogden pushes out a
squeaky window grate. “Yes, I’m sorry, ma’am. It’s against the law to leave
these grates unlocked.”
“I can’t believe I’m
hearing this!” She plunks down hard on the sofa and slaps her thighs.
“You have to
protect yourself better,” says the bulletproof cop. “These grates facing the
street were left unlocked for any intruder to come right in. That’s tempting
fate, and endangers the entire community. By law it is a citable offense. You
are Shirley Troublefield, the tenant of record?”
“Don’t
give me any ‘best interest of the community’ crap!” She avoids the identity
question.
“I’m
afraid so, ma’am. Unlocked door and window grates are like an invitation to
crime.” He slides a computer out of his bulging commando pants, then removes
his helmet to reveal a completely-shaved head glowing with perspiration. “You
left a breach in the building’s security envelope and placed the whole
population at risk.” He points around at the ceiling and walls to indicate
neighboring apartments.
“You’re
supposed to stop them before they come in and steal everything!”
“It says here that
you live with Mr. Bob Godwin.” He shows Shirley his computer screen. “Have to
cite him too since I don’t know who left the grates open.”
“I left them open.
Bob’s away on assignment.”
“Okay, I believe
you. But, Bob Godwin’s Citizen Score is so low I can’t decide this one. He has
a right to appear in court with proof, so a judge can rule. His score is that
far down in the crapper.”
“This
must be unconstitutional, giving us a citation!”
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