(DON'T MAKE ME SQUEAL)

Jordan Temple expected to lie around a crackling Christmas Eve fire with his wife, but Bill Dorman needed help and begged him to stop at a dive bar called the Plow & Stars. It was on the way home, one of these dim basement places with lots of rough-hewn wood, sawdust and peanut shells strewn over the floor as décor. Bill’s fiancée just gave him the ax and his severed head rolled way down into this dump. Jordan gathered the rest of him hadn’t eaten for days. His pants were falling off. He had periods where his head bobbed and there was day-old brown saliva in the corners of his mouth from drinking Guinness Stouts.

            Fragrant laurel and Christmas garlands adorned the walls. Dolls of Jesus, Mary and Joseph surrounded by jackasses and sheep filled out a traditional manger scene in the window. Everyone in the place had a smile except Bill. “My condolences,” Jordan told him.

            “I’m beyond consoling,” he replied with a sucking noise. Jordan wasn’t sure if Bill misunderstood or he was being insulting. “I’m beyond ‘consolences’ or whatever that word was.”

            Bill’s fiancée was a hot Swedish blond named Olo. Jordan met them through his wife Maria, and they seemed like a solid couple. Now they were just another yank on the chain of long sad experience, tra-la di-daah!

One thing Jordan liked about Bill was that he quit smoking the same as him, yet spending this precious time here was questionable and he prayed Bill wasn’t angling for help to get his girl back. He must have alienated everyone else he knew, and he did beg. Except for that, the only reason Jordan could think of for coming was selfish. Everyone had to experience their fair share of suffering in life, but Jordan preferred to experience his share of suffering through others. He often visited people in hospitals, went to wakes, funerals and trials, as if doing so protected him from those things happening to him! He figured it was no worse than other superstitions, and worked so far. He also tried learning as much as possible from the mistakes of other people. Bill’s pain helped him appreciate his happiness with Maria even more which was also a source of pride.

            “It was such a habit…loving Olo,” Bill seemed to say to himself. “Then, I realize it’s gone. Gone. I’ve been sick in my stomach. I see double. Her? She knows it’s the only thing too.”